Dr. Winch

The promised Dr. Winch post...

In late January, I decided that a certain monthly occurrence was overdue, and I might be pregnant. I sneakily bought a home pregnancy test from Walmart, and hoped no one I knew would spot me. For some reason I was horrified that someone would find out I was pregnant before the customary 3-month announcement, so I quickly destroyed all of the packaging material. We were leaving for Reno that day, and before picking up Wayne after work, I went to Starbucks for a bit. I pictured a romantic occasion that night in the hotel room, complete with candles and incense, when we would discover we were expecting. However, the test stick was burning a whole in my purse, and I decided I couldn't handle the suspense, and went to use the restroom. As fate would have it, the women's restroom was out of order, and I really did have to go, so I boldly entered the men's room. So it was there in the men's room of Starbucks, that I held up my shaking hand and discovered I was pregnant.

I have veered a bit from the subject, so, back to Dr. Winch. I made an appointment at one of the OB/GYN offices in town. This particular office has three doctors and a midwife. The deal is, you see a different face every time you go in for an appointment, and whichever doctor happens to be on call when you go into labor, delivers your baby. Long story short, it was Dr. Winch that ultimately 'delivered' Penelope.

Just so you have a nice mental picture, Dr. Winch has a striking resemblance to Albert Einstein. He is short and a bit older, with grey hair, grey mustache, and long, wiry grey eyebrows.

Now, since I rotated between doctors, I had about 4-5 appointments with Dr. Winch. My appointments generally lasted 8 and a half minutes, in which Dr. Winch spoke very quickly and never once asked if I had any questions. The first appointment I had with him at 16 weeks went something like this: "Hi Sheena, I'm Dr. Winch, lets see, you haven't had an ultrasound since your first appointment, let's take a look at your baby." He opens the door widely and calls to his assistant to bring in the ultrasound machine. Once the machine is ready, he continues, "Now what do you want, girl or boy? Usually we can't tell this soon, but maybe..." I tell him I don't have a preference for the sex of the child. "Oh, well what will be easier? See you want a boy, boys are much easier, I have four boys, there is no drama, no teen pregnancies, no-Oh! Looks like you're having a boy! Great, I'd say 75% chance it's a boy. OK, see you in four weeks." And he walks out, leaving the door open behind him.

Later, we find out out the little fetus is not a boy, but a girl. At another appointment closer to the birth, Dr. Winch asks if I have thought about names. I said we were considering Penelope. Dr. Winch: "Hmm, well you know what everyone will say, "Penelope Pig", Penelope is just too long. One syllable names are better. See, all my boys are one syllable: John, Zach, Brad, and Nick. Easy to say. OK, see you in two weeks," and is three quarters out the door when I say, "Dr. Winch! I need to ask you about something." He comes back in and I ask him about a problem I had been having. He reaches over, pulls down a paper towel, and writes the name of a medicine I am supposed to take for said problem. "Here, just go get this at CVS." Thanks, I will just bring in this paper towel and find it!

Then, when I am in labor, he comes in the hospital room muttering about how he has three pregnant patients, all ready to deliver at nearly the same time. Apparently it was cramping his style. He then grabs some gloves, and as he is pulling them on, they break open, and he has to get new ones. He they yells a few expletives, and goes on a rant about how "for the amount of money this hospital charges people, you'd think they could buy decent gloves." We had been warned by a nurse that Dr. Winch didn't exactly have good bedside manner (or any for that matter) and that once he yelled at a baby that was having problems entering the world, calling it a "little @$*#." After Penelope's birth, was the aforementioned episode of him yelling at my legs, "I can't do this if you're going to flinch every time I stitch!"

To Dr. Winch's credit, after the birth he was filling out some paperwork and realized I was a week and a two days overdue. He then said something like, "Wow, I didn't realize she was so far overdue. See that's how a delivery should go. Another doctor would have induced her and she would have ended up with a cesarean." Notice how he said 'she' as if I wasn't there, but hey, I'll take that as a compliment coming from him.