Anyone who has known Wayne for more than three months knows that he likes cars and buys and sells them frequently. Much to my dismay, every few months he says, "Hey hon, what do you think of this car?" He then proceeds to tell me how he loves the car so much and it has been his dream car ever since he was 16. I stopped buying that one after about 4 cars, but he still uses that line.
Last summer, the car that Wayne has always wanted was a BMW. This particular BMW had 130,000 miles on it. Oh, wait, no; it had 230,000 miles on it. Yes, almost a quarter of a million miles. Wayne said he always wanted to be in the million mile club. I reminded him that was flying, not driving. This BMW was also on the top 10 most UN-reliable vehicles list. Nevertheless, Wayne bought the BMW, and promptly spent quite a lot of time & money fixing it every few hundred miles when something went wrong.
About six months later, Wayne found a car that was WAY better than the BMW. It would be more reliable, fun, less maintenance, etc. And since he hadn't learned anything from the first BMW, he decided to buy yet another BMW. We will call this one BMW 2.
Most people would go to a dealership and buy a car. Or maybe look in the local classifieds. Not Wayne. He decides to buy the car on Ebay, and the car just happens to be located in Orlando. Orlando as in Florida. As in 2500 miles away.
OK, that is fine with me. Penelope and I will keep the home-fires burning while you fly to Florida and drive the new car back.
Wayne gets to Colorado and something is not right. The car is not working properly. Two batteries and some alternator/combustion/transmission problems later, Wayne limps the rest of the way home. (OK, I don't really know what was wrong, I'm not a car person, but something was wrong.)
A few weeks later, we get the problem fixed, and Wayne takes his precious car out for a drive. This car is so fancy it has seat heaters. So Wayne is cozy in his new car when he feels something sharp in his side. He wiggles a little, and everything seems alright. Next he smells smoke, and looks around to see the seat, his jacket and skin smoldering. Apparently there was a recall on the seat heaters on this model.
Wayne pointed out the seat heater button to me, and instructed me NOT to use it. Now every time I take BMW2 out, Wayne makes sure to remind me, "Don't hit the self-destruct button!"
I think BMW stands for Bi Monthly Wages, because that is what it takes to own one, not to mention the frustration! I have never loved cars as long as they get me from point A-Z I am fine with it, and I don't have to sink money into it! Maybe after awhile Wayne will come to realize BMW are BAD MOTOR WIRES (enjoy the "hot" ride....you smell something burning dear, oh it's just your rear honey.
ReplyDeleteUh-oh! Wayne should listen to me and get into muscle cars, I tell ya. Beamers don't have anything on those new Chargers! Not to mention he could definitely find a 1970-something Charger with a gazillion miles on it if he is so inclined. I've been accused of being a red neck more than once. . .I have no idea why, tho. Hmmm. I think I'll go exfoliate now.
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