Oddities of Life (Since I'm so normal)

I bought some sliced cheese the other day, and upon using it I noticed something on the package. In bold letters, apparently to be a selling point, it says, "CHEESE IN EVERY BITE." So I'm wondering - what if you take a bite of cheese and it's NOT cheese? It's....something else. Can you contact the company and get a refund? And if it's not cheese, what IS it? I have never had the experience of eating something out of a cheese package that is NOT cheese, and now I'm not even going to know what to do when I do get a bite of cheese that isn't cheese.

A few weeks ago we were in Salt Lake shopping. When I was checking out of a store, the clerk asked where I was from. I told her Nevada. "Oh!" She said, "We are getting a new store in Denver!" "That'a nice," I replied politely. "Yeah," she said, "That will be so nice for you to shop there."

How to let sleeping babies lie:

That blessed moment has arrived when two tiny eyelids have finally found their  and you gently place the baby in the crib. Now, as you quietly exit the room, you step on a Lego. You continue to exit, while clenching your teeth and hopping on one foot. But you are alive and the baby is still asleep, so all is well. You grab the snack and drink you were smart enough to prepare before the baby went to sleep, so you wouldn't have to make any noise, and mentally pat yourself on the back for being so intelligent. As you sit down and put your feet up, you check the video monitor, and realize that the cat is trying to get into the baby's crib. So you quietly tiptoe back to the nursery, and hiss quietly, "here, kitty, kitty," to which the cat responds with a loud "MEOW?" You grab the cat and take put it outside. Finally, you c tip toe across the dark living room floor, when your foot touches something. "HI! I'M ALPHABUG! LETS SING THE ABC'S! ABCDEF..." You scramble blindly in the dark to turn the toy off, when you hear the cell phone ringing. You run quickly to get it, room to room, trying to find it. Then it hits you, you left it in the baby's room. The phone finally stops ringing, but you get it anyway, so it doesn't ring again. You are amazed at how your wonderful baby has slept through all of this. You blow her a kiss and then walk out.

...WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!