Skin Care Regiment for the Aging Soul

A few years ago now, my fried Cori and I were shopping. Oh those were the days....when we could shop. Together. We had only one kid between us. Swoon....OK back to reality, I digress. We wandered in a cosmetic store, and were instantly hounded by the sales ladies. Upon forcing a sample of the 'eye cream' upon us, she said in a perky falsetto voice, "You know, our skin actually starts aging at age 25." Cori let out a roar of a laugh and said, "Oh, we have YEARS to go before then!"

But, alas, Wayne and I have been noticing a few things here and there that are definitely telling us we are aging. Dark spots, baggy eyes, saggy everything, etc.

I recently had to Google some symptoms that were causing my toe to hurt, especially when wearing shoes. I thought, perhaps I had some sort of cool sounding, vogue foot disease. After research, it seemed to be an ingrown toenail. INGROWN TOENAIL?!?! You've got to be kidding me.

So I decided that I needed to spiff up my skin care regiment. Or start one, whatever. I would like to think I knew the basics - Wash your face. Use sunscreen. Get your beauty rest. That ended very abruptly when I took a jaunt down the face wash isle at the store. All I had to do was decide between the foaming face wash, face balm, face oil, and the elusive BB cream. Face exfoliate, acne repair cream, face wash for dry skin, face cream for oily skin. (You're supposed to know what kind of skin you have.) BB cream? I had to look that one up. Beauty Balm. But Web MD tells me it's only been around since 2010, so then I didn't feel so bad. But then I realized it's been 5 years since 2010, and then I got depressed again. Then I ran into CC cream. Color Corrector. Because (before you apply makeup) your skin isn't even the right color!

And that's just your general face wash products. We've got skin toners, skin serums, spritzers and moisturizers. Day cream and night cream and weekend cream. Repair cream and SPF cream. Because something really bad is going to happen if you put Coppertone or Banana Boat on your face. Face masks and chemical peels. Face scrub, gel cleanser, lip treatment, you've-got-to-use-this-too cream and so on.

But first you have to exfoliate. (I think) Another year, another shopping trip with my cousin Janell. This time there were 5 kids between us. A lady bravely accosted us to try to sell us some products. "What do you normally exfoliate with?" She chipped. Janell looked around, seemingly planning an escape, but there is none when there are 5 trailing youngsters. "Ex- What? Ex-fwhat?" She looked at me for help. I started giggling. "I don't think we're interested." She said.

It also should be noted that it is all in the name of health. Never would we do any of this for pure cosmetic reasons. We aren't that vain! Woman's magazine adverts push the theme of a 'healthy glow' and 'hydrated-looking skin.' The number one concern is having an aura of good health, and if a side affect of that is being beautiful, so be it.

So it seems the most important part of your beauty regiment overall skin health (beyond 25, because at that point you are old) is eye cream. I decided I could probably handle eye cream. After spending a weeks' worth of grocery money on .25 ounces of eye cream, I got down to business. I didn't figure I could mess up eye cream, but I read the directions anyway. Apparently I could mess it up. Directions: Dab cream under and around eyes until absorbed. DO NOT rub in. So as two children screamed for their breakfast, I dabbed and dabbed and DABBED carefully, as to nourish and revitalize my neglected and aging eyes. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO DAB EYE CREAM IN UNTIL IT ABSORBS? After my dabbing routine was finished, I glanced at the [tiny] jar. CAUTION: Avoid contact with the eyes.

Shoot me dead before I smear eye cream behind my iris.